There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
