So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
