Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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