Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
