so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
