I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
