That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
