this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
