Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
