Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
