U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
