Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
