Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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