I faked an abortion last night.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
