It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
