have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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