My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
