Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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