thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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