so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
