So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
