How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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