Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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