the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
