How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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