I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
