"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
