You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
