After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
