well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
