He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
