FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize