I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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