You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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