Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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