So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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