Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
