sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
