Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
