matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
