ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
