Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize