Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
