I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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