ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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