sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
