im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
