Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She is in my trunk
she woke up with a sticky ear
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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