From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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