so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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