what day is it and did you see me today?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
