i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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