About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize