Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
NoShamevember. You game?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
