um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
