Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
