I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
