Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
