Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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