Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??

(817): View more from Texas

dude, everything can mix, this is college.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"

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(757): View more from Virginia

There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon

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(720): View more from Colorado

You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.

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(269): View more from Michigan

I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.

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(503): View more from Oregon

You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you

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