I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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