We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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