dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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