Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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