hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
