u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize