So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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