I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
