Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
