I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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