If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
