Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
