I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
