sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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