So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize