I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
