She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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