I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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