At least make sure they are 18
Why
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize