OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
