my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
