I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
