I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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