so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
