Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Me too!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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