Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
