The best revenge is premature balding
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
my liver is dry heaving
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
